"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."Project: Live
~ Anna Quindlen
A clear and cloudless Carolina blue sky greeted me one Tuesday afternoon as I walked my way to the Logistics office; the first that I saw in years as far as I can remember. The golden rays of the setting sun though, now low at the time, lightly brushed pale amber from the west and stained the flawlessly clear blue sky but blended in a beautifully smooth canvas of contrasting colors. I tilted my head up as I sauntered while admiring a perfectly stained heaven.
That sight reminded me of what a friend once jested. She said, I must be happy having a "perfect life" already. I paused. The longest pause I did in a conversation. I hesitantly countered with... this be kept otherwise. Maybe this came as a reality check for me - that there will never be such thing as a "perfect life".
My first twenty five years were spent trying to maintain a status quo where majority believes is something perfect. In those years, everything seemed to be in place. Everything - school, career, financial, spiritual, love life - was on a smooth flow. I was scared of flaws. I feared having to destroy the reputations of being a "role model", a "successful non-CPA of the batch", an "epitome of an ideal wife", and the list goes on. Oh boy did these tag lines take a big toll on me on my quarter life! And though I should be proud of myself being seen by others as such, I once wished (rather, believed) I weren't.
Like the old ones always warn, we come to the inescapable fact that we are blocked by forks in the road that change our fate and choose detours that alter our perfectly planned routes. We are forced to decide on things painfully but wisely. We make mistakes that tarnish what is seen as something flawless. We navigate ourselves through tempting intricate labyrinths and should find our way out on solo. We make inevitable fouls and punishments we must face, then adjust our game plans. And no matter how guarded we are of the things we protect the most, there will always be something that will take these away from us and leave holes uncovered.
Somehow though, these sinister stains are what make or break us. Oh no... I will never let these break me. As like the movie 13 going on 30 implies, I made a huge number of mistakes already without me realizing them, but I learned not to regret nor whine because had I not made them, I will never know how to make things right.
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I leave what's left of my courage, thirst of adventure, mistakes and all to painting my imperfect life portrait. The
stains, either they be a microscopic blot or a huge blob, will fill my
canvass into an enchantingly unique art that many will admire and look
up to. Besides, how would I be living if I did achieve a perfectly content life already?
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